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Trending Topics: satire

GOP Debate Surge Threatens Coastal and Inland Areas

GOP Debate Surge Threatens Coastal and Inland Areas

WASHINGTON – As the Republican debate season strengthens over the next two months, emergency managers from Florida to Nevada have urged residents to develop disaster plans and determine whether they live in evacuation zones. Forecasters are expecting six to seven ...

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Bankers Scold British Rioters for Lack of Subtlety

Bankers Scold British Rioters for Lack of Subtlety

LONDON – As youth riots continue to erupt throughout parts of Great Britain, several leading British bankers have complained that rioters have violated national bailout and plunder etiquette as laid down by the banking industry. “These protests are utterly unseemly ...

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Pentagon Successfully Disintegrates $320 Million at Hypersonic Speed

Pentagon Successfully Disintegrates $320 Million at Hypersonic Speed

WASHINGTON – Pentagon scientists on Friday acknowledged they were ecstatic concerning the second successful flight vaporization of an experimental hypersonic plane carrying millions of dollars in cash. The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) glider, called the Falcon Hypersonic Technology ...

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President, Congress Admit Debt-Ceiling Debate was Elaborate Prank

President, Congress Admit Debt-Ceiling Debate was Elaborate Prank

WASHINGTON – President Obama and Republican leaders confessed Tuesday to playing a belated April Fools’ joke on the American public in the form of a seemingly apocalyptic debate about the debt ceiling. Amid general giggling and back-slapping at Wednesday’s bipartisan ...

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Royal Wedding Will End English Civil War, Gain Portion of France

Royal Wedding Will End English Civil War, Gain Portion of France

LONDON — The April 29, 2011 wedding of Prince William of Wales and Kate Middleton promises to bring an end to the decades long civil war between Greater London and Berkshire Counties in south-east England. The couples’ November 2010 engagement ...

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Air-Traffic Controllers Go on Hunger Strike for Right to Nap

Air-Traffic Controllers Go on Hunger Strike for Right to Nap

RENO  — Twenty-nine air traffic controllers from nineteen major U.S. airports have united to demand on-duty nap time from the Federal Aviation Administration. The protesters began hunger strikes to raise awareness of their right to sleep after the latest of ...

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New Republican Chairman Seeks Eunuchs for Vacated Positions

New Republican Chairman Seeks Eunuchs for Vacated Positions

WASHINGTON — In response to Rep. Chris Lee’s (R-NY) resignation for another Republican sex scandal, new RNC Chairman Reince Priebus urged Republican eunuchs to “strongly consider, please” running for office. Priebus complained that he had a stack of files on ...

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Egypt-inspired Americans Protest Lack of Super Bowl Seating

Egypt-inspired Americans Protest Lack of Super Bowl Seating

ARLINGTON — After the eighteen-day success of mass protests in Egypt to overthrow its thirty-year dictator, groups of Americans have been moved to protest numerous injustices in the U.S. “It’s what all the cool kids are doing,” said Jeff Mantel, ...

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Canada Outlaws Glacier Melting

Canada Outlaws Glacier Melting

by Jared Tatis OTTAWA — In a bold move to protect ice zones and glaciers throughout Canada, opposition parties in the Canadian parliament teamed up to pass a bill that bans any further glacial melting within Canadian territories. “Glacier melting ...

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Santa Claus Seeks Legal Authority to Rule by Decree

Santa Claus Seeks Legal Authority to Rule by Decree

Ellesmere Island Ice Shelves – After hopes foundered for an economic bounce back from weak holiday sales, senior international gift-giver, Santa Claus, has called on the Upper Arctic National Assembly meeting in Tuktoyaktuk, Canada to grant him broad powers to ...

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