Home Inventions Just Like Red Green And Jethro

I don’t watch much television. Never could sit down long enough to watch a whole show. So, when I do watch, it has to be either informative or very entertaining to keep my attention.

We don’t have cable or satellite, just a small antenna on our roof. Public access TV runs many “how to” shows early in the morning. I have learned so much. From remodeling my bathroom to cooking up a possum, it’s all on public access TV. One of these shows gave me the confidence to cut a new skylight in the ceiling of our bathroom, using our chainsaw. From past experience, I knew the skylight may leak when it rained, so I cut the hole directly over the bathtub. As the leak got worse, the tub filled up very quickly. My wife always wanted me to build a rain barrel, I just skipped a step by putting that rainwater directly in a place we could use it. Yes, I was “green” before it was cool to be “green.”

When it comes to entertainment television, The Red Green Show is at the top of my “must see” list. That guy is my hero. I want to be just like him when I grow up, if I ever do. Once I saw him make an all-terrain vehicle out of a junk 1990 Honda Civic, complete with a “guy’s kitchen” in the back seat, using nothing but the stuff out of his back yard. What wife wouldn’t want something like that in her garage? Simply by watching a few of his shows, I was inspired to build an electric toilet bowl cleaner, using nothing but an old scrub brush and a drill. I thought it might save a few minutes of my wife’s time during each day, as she complains a lot about wasting her days cleaning up after me, but that ingenious apparatus just sits in the back corner under the sink.

Produce Boiling Hot Water, Anywhere, Anytime With Absolutely No Power Whatsoever…

One of my favorite “entertainment” shows is The Beverly Hillbillies. This show was way ahead of its time. For me, it paved the way for all these “reality” shows, as each episode reminds me of life around my house. Uncle Jed has an uncanny resemblance to my own father, for even after Dad got wealthy, he never changed his ways. To his last days, whittling was his favorite sport, and he always enjoyed Granny’s headache medicine, gulping down a swallow or two each day as the kids got home from school. He seemed to get many headaches when we were around.

Personally, I can relate to Jethro. Anyone having to cook for me would tell you, I am a shorter, pudgier version of him. I am also highly educated for a hillbilly, graduating high school in only 12 and a half years, and just like Jethro, I am an entrepreneur. My wife will tell you, I spend most of my days dreaming up new ways to make money. It’s really not my fault that none of my ideas have been successful, I just haven’t found an investor that had confidence in me yet.

So, you could say that not having cable TV has influenced my life in good ways and bad. Just think, if I had 150 channels to watch every day, I’m sure I would be rich and famous by now.

To my wife, rest assured, dear, I won’t change one bit when we do get rich. I will always be hungry, and I will never quit trying to make your life easier with my great ideas. I am still and always be the same man you married all those years ago. I’ll be home around suppertime. Oh yea, I used the pot roast you laid out today and a jar of peanut butter on my new “ultimate catfish bait” idea, so I’m sure you will have plenty of fish to clean and cook for supper.