WASHINGTON – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday that it plans to remove the Phoenix-Core Series of magical wands from pharmacy shelves. FDA testing and field reporting have provided evidence of overheating along the wand handle and shaft, ...
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NFL and Congress Near Deal to Expand League to Reduce Unemployment
NEW YORK – With 13.9 million Americans unemployed, the U.S. Congress stepped up closed-door negotiations Tuesday with the National Football League to expand the number of professional teams and fill them with unemployed Americans. The current version of the plan ...
Read More »Donald Trump Aims to Prove Seriousness of Presidential Bid by Invading Uzbekistan
WASHINGTON — Business celebrity and purported presidential candidate, Donald Trump formed an exploratory committee to develop a military strategy for having the Trump Empire invade the central Asian republic of Uzbekistan. “I think it’s important to impress upon people the seriousness ...
Read More »Egypt-inspired Americans Protest Lack of Super Bowl Seating
ARLINGTON — After the eighteen-day success of mass protests in Egypt to overthrow its thirty-year dictator, groups of Americans have been moved to protest numerous injustices in the U.S. “It’s what all the cool kids are doing,” said Jeff Mantel, ...
Read More »Obama Administration Now Offering Free Physicals and Beer with Every Full-Body Airport Scan
WASHINGTON — After weeks of public outcry and lawsuit threats, the administration bowed to demands Monday and announced that airport full-body scans will now include an array of free outpatient diagnostic services and microbrew selections. TSA Administrator John Pistole said ...
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