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Articles Written By Jared Tatis

FDA Determines Fatal Risks From Hogwarts Magical Wands

FDA Determines Fatal Risks From Hogwarts Magical Wands

WASHINGTON – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday that it plans to remove the Phoenix-Core Series of magical wands from pharmacy shelves. FDA testing and field reporting have provided evidence of overheating along the wand handle and shaft, ...

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NFL and Congress Near Deal to Expand League to Reduce Unemployment

NFL and Congress Near Deal to Expand League to Reduce Unemployment

NEW YORK – With 13.9 million Americans unemployed, the U.S. Congress stepped up closed-door negotiations Tuesday with the National Football League to expand the number of professional teams and fill them with unemployed Americans. The current version of the plan ...

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Donald Trump Aims to Prove Seriousness of Presidential Bid by Invading Uzbekistan

Donald Trump Aims to Prove Seriousness of Presidential Bid by Invading Uzbekistan

WASHINGTON — Business celebrity and purported presidential candidate, Donald Trump formed an exploratory committee to develop a military strategy for having the Trump Empire invade the central Asian republic of Uzbekistan. “I think it’s important to impress upon people the seriousness ...

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Egypt-inspired Americans Protest Lack of Super Bowl Seating

Egypt-inspired Americans Protest Lack of Super Bowl Seating

ARLINGTON — After the eighteen-day success of mass protests in Egypt to overthrow its thirty-year dictator, groups of Americans have been moved to protest numerous injustices in the U.S. “It’s what all the cool kids are doing,” said Jeff Mantel, ...

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