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Dead Fish and the Liberal Agenda

Alrighty, then…I looked up and another year is saying adieu.  What did I get done in the past 12 months?  What will I get done in the next 12 months?  While you probably couldn’t care less about my personal successes and failures, bet you’re flirting with the same questions yourself.  Right?  Right?  C’mon, admit it, no one needs to know but you.

I learned a really interesting lesson in 2009 and thought it might draw a laugh, a sigh, maybe even a tear as you begin to see ghosts and screaming meemees while hearing those things that go bump in the night and finally realize, it’s the insane liberal agenda… and it is everywhere .

Looking for a mental break from writing and political exhaustion, I discovered the world of simulations (sims) and after designing an aquarium, began to realize that even gaming programmers are riding the liberal agenda wave.  Let me explain a bit, you’ll see the lunacy all around you very soon (do check to see how many moons there are outside your window, first, though.  If you count more than one, you can stop reading now).  As I built my aquarium, using beautiful plants, backgrounds, décor, and fish, the first order of business was to, yep, feed ‘em.  I’m sprinkling virtual food around like some mystical ‘fairy food pantry’ and my fish are giving me a smiley sign that they are now quite content and happy in their new home.  Of course, I am rewarded for being such a good ‘caretaker of the planet’ (huh? I thought this was virtual, guys… you know, virtual as in everything you see is made of pixels and was originally created in the mind of someone who couldn’t sleep at 3 a.m. and had an itch to become famous) by the receipt of enough play dough (imaginary money) to buy – wait for it, now – more fish!

So, like a chump, I do, sprinkling baby fish eggs everywhere, kinda like the fishy fairy or something.  Again, I’m shaking the food all over the place and feeling a warm fuzzy as they display their smiley faces to show me how amazing I really am.  All those years of therapy and expense when all I needed to do was discover simulation games!

Two days go by; I am too busy to think about fish – real or otherwise.  By the way, I DO own a beta named Dog, which my parents have adopted and turned into a neurotic mess.  I barely notice him these days, since they feed, clean, antagonize, love, and play with him daily (no one will believe my memoirs one day).  Should times get really hard, he is slated for the grill if I can get him away from my folks (poor Dog, poor parents).  Anyway, I recall that I set up an aquarium in virtual sims-land and decide to see how my fish are growing and feel another rush of their joy to see me and bask in their approval for the way I take care of them.

I login and, oh my!  They are all floating belly up at the top of the tank!  I have let them starve to death.  Oh, the guilt!  I killed my virtual fish by not feeding them virtual food which cost me virtual money for virtual work; I would never be accepted in the PETA world now (you know how that affects me, don’t you?  Not a bit; I would have filleted them and eaten them except, uh, hello?, they’re virtual).  But wait, after the 2 foot high neon flashing message – to myself and all my network friends – that I killed my fish and have now destroyed the ecosystem of the virtual ocean, I am given an opportunity to redeem myself, miraculously revive the dead fish, and be allowed to continue playing – on probation, mind you – and all for the low, low cost of $29.95, credit cards and bank drafts, accepted.  I exited out of the game and left it to experiment further with non-compliance to the ‘rules’.  When I returned 2 days beyond the day I was labeled a ‘serial fish-killer’, I found my floating fish had created a horrible gunky scum in the tank, the kind you hire someone else to clean or dispose of.  Finding no one who would take virtual time or money to clean the gunk for me, I flushed the dead fish, gave away the flora, and threw out the tank.

So, what’s the lesson in all this?  Stay with me a couple more minutes; I promise I’m getting there.

The liberal agenda is everywhere; in our television programming, movies, music, literature, toilet paper (don’t even get me started) and yes, even in the games we play.  In this experiment, I was rewarded when I followed the rules of the game and did the required work; both of which are reasonable expectations as long as the rules are fair and balanced while considering the real world.  The socialist / liberal agenda begins to appear when I choose not to play by the pre-established rules and opt for other behaviors and activities in place of the established expectation.  Accordingly, I am a) reprimanded; b) ‘guilted’; c) shamed in front of friends and the occasional business contact who got misfiled into “friends” instead of “colleagues” categories; and d) blackmailed into returning to the normative form of the game by paying real money to correct the damage I have caused.  Note: I lost a lucrative business contract because killing my virtual fish off translated into being unreliable and unsympathetic to the earth.

Conversely, a conservative programmer’s method for setting up this simulation game might go something  like this: 1) Disclaimer: set up a tank if you want to; remember they aren’t real and no harm comes to you, the world, or the game pieces if you a) don’t play or b) forget to play; 2) if you play a while and don’t like the graphics, game, or timing, just hit ‘delete’ and your tank space will be freed for someone else to play; 3) resurrecting dead fish is not a) possible, b) worthwhile, or c) sane; 4) your money is welcome as it takes time and resources to program this game, (always coming up with new and exciting ways to keep people playing), but don’t be fooled, your money doesn’t save a thing except my mortgage, lights, and water; and 5) in the world of madness in which we find ourselves today, we promise not to humiliate you to potential income earning resources – which save your mortgage, lights, and water, your family – who likely already wonder about you, anyway, or your friends – who are struggling valiantly to see only good in you.

So, after all is said and done, you think me crazy?  Go setup your own tank, fill it with fish, and then let them die.

You’ll see; the madness is everywhere.  For the low, low price of $29.95, I will be on call to virtually help you deal with your guilt and I take credit cards, debit cards, bank drafts, and PayPal.

As always, I end with God’s word:

And do not be conformed to this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that you may prove what is that good and
acceptable and perfect will of God.  Romans 12:2

Always,
Faithful

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