After thorough discussion and review by Eric Holder, please accept with no obligation expressed or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religion of your choice while simultaneously respecting any religions or secular traditions of others, or their choice to celebrate or not any religious or secular practices at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year of 2011—but not without due respect of the calendar of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped to make our country great. Not to imply that the United States is greater than any other country or is the only great country in the world, and without additional regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alterations to the original greeting, but implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself, himself or others. It is void where prohibited by law and is irrevocably at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issue of a subsequent greeting, whichever comes first , and said warranty is limited to the replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
In other words, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from your President.
P.S. But this only if you want these wishes and greetings, since no intention, thought, threat of stalking or unwanted affection is implied.